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The Dolls

A survey with M Doll, Insanity’s Equilibrium and Kiya K.

M Doll, Insanity’s Equilibrium and Kiya K. are three women who enjoy dollification and being living dolls. I asked each of them about what this means to them, beginning with M Doll, a dollification fetishist and artist from the Midwest USA.

Hamish MacPherson: Can you begin by telling me what dollification is?

M Doll: Dollification is a transformation fetish. Basically, the person is turned into a doll, but specifics (mental or physical modification, ownership, rules) vary. There are so many kinds of dolls, customisation really goes all over the place!

HM: What kind of doll do you like being?

MD: A fembot. Well, a dollbot. It’s the perfect union of my dollification and technosexual fetishes. Picture Pris from Blade Runner - she’s ultimately a pleasure unit, but she’s badass when needed. I’m a latex fetishist as well, so I also love being a rubber doll.

HM: Has this changed over time?

MD: Definitely. The sci-fi element has always been there at least a little, but initially I focused more on being the bimbo type. That role didn’t suit me - I’m too utilitarian for it and being constantly empty headed was hard on my self esteem. Being a robot is a lot more empowering, even if someone else is doing the programming. :-)

HM: Is this something you do with other people - do you have an ‘owner’ (what word would you use instead) or maybe other dolls?

MD: I definitely prefer to do it with an owner, but doll makers are hard to come by. Being transformed within a Dominant/submissive relationship really enhances the feeling of being an object to be used and played with. I like the idea of turning someone into a rubber doll, but I’m not enough of a switch to handle a long term transformation. Isolated scenes [where I would be in control of someone else] would be cool, though. I’d love to put someone into JG Leathers’ Creature suit! [1]

HM: Do you remember how it began for you?

MD: My first Dom [Dominant] was a doll maker and he introduced me to it. Dolls were one of my biggest childhood fears, so it’s funny how it all turned out.

HM: Can you explain a bit about the  difference between an owner and a doll maker?

MD: An owner and a doll maker are basically the same thing. ‘Doll maker’ is just more specified and better describes the dynamic, like how an owner might be called “Daddy” in a ddlg relationship.

HM: Can you describe the process of how you transform into a doll?

MD: The process is always long term for me and involves behavior modification and physical changes, so it becomes an entire lifestyle. My owner would guide my choices, either with subtle hints or manipulative turns of phrase or with direct rules. I’d basically be moulded into what they want me to be. On a mental level, I’d be given mantras to instill beliefs or be led into certain behaviours at their guidance. My most intense process involved regular brainwashing via hypnosis - that was really great! Doll-like triggers were planted in my head, so it really was as though my owner could play with me anytime he wanted.

HM: Can you give an example of one of these triggers?

MD: I had an on/ off ‘button’ installed at the nape of my neck that, when pressed, would drop me into a hypnotic doll state. My tongue was also turned into an erogenous zone. On a more comforting note, I was given a mental safe space to retreat into during stressful times. I could go there anytime I wanted and sit at my Master’s feet. I completely forgot about its existence until after that relationship ended and I was having a bad play session with a new person - I automatically retreated into the space, only to find an empty chair. It was pretty traumatizing. On that note, a word of advice to all hypnotists: Make sure you remove triggers when the dynamic ends!

HM: Does your doll state only come in when you are with your owner or does it linger in other situations? And when you are with your owner is it in specific scenes or is it more fluid and part of all your time together?

MD: It’s definitely strongest with the partner, but I can tap into that persona whenever I want. For example, while I don’t have an owner at the moment, I can do things to make myself feel like more of a doll. It’s definitely more fluid with a partner though. Being a doll is in the foundation of the relationship so it defines a lot of the language, goals, and activity.

HM: Something I’m particularly interested in is how a person might change the way they move and behave physically when they are doll. Like, do you become still or limp or poseable for example?

MD: Posing happened a lot during hypnosis and in the bedroom. Imagine a sex doll. :)

HM: And what kind of practical advice would you give to someone who wanted to be a poseable doll? Like what are the tips for having that kind of physicality?

MD: Tips for being poseable? Be still! :P No, but really, it helps to have a calm mind. Dolls don’t have worries or cares, so the ability to put your brain in a meditative state is really helpful. Regular practice with meditation or hypnotic tracks are very helpful. There’s a ton of tracks out there, but be careful and listen to them with a keen ear first. Hypdom is someone who specifically comes to mind for creating tracks with malicious mantras mixed in at very low levels in attempt to subconsciously manipulate the listener.

HM: And is there a different mental state when you are a doll? What is that like?

MD: During that active hypnotic state, my brain is very fuzzy and empty, just like a doll on a shelf. On a regular daily basis though I feel a lot like my normal self, but there’s often an undercurrent of whatever temperaments he’s plugged in. For example as a bimbo I would feel bubbly and happy and dumb.

HM: What is the appeal of being a doll?

MD: I’m a sub [submissive] to begin with, so I like being owned. I have some anxiety though, so turning into an empty toy gives me a break from that. It’s liberating to give someone else the controls. In kink I love to remove as much humanity as possible so becoming an actual object really does a lot for me. But it’s hard to describe why I have that particular kink - I guess my wires got crossed at some point!

HM: Is dollification a sexual thing for you or more widely?

MD: Yes, and I think that’s probably the case for most living dolls.

HM: Are dolls always female? And young? It seems to be the vast majority are. How does dollification relate to the way that (young) women are treated today in the US or globally?

MD: Young females really have a monopoly on the fetish. There are a few male dolls (Justin Jedlica, the ‘human Ken doll’ is probably the most widely known), but I don’t know if it’s sexual for them. Rubber dolls are all over the spectrum, though. A lot of trans people find it especially appealing because of how transformative latex is. It’s like putting on another skin. Life experiences really have a way of creeping into our sexualities so I’m sure some of that is at play with dollification. For example I don’t like being objectified but I enjoy the objectification kink. The difference is consent. As to the reverse, how dollification impacts the treatment of women - maybe it has some effect. Alicia Amira, a well known bimbo fuck-doll, enjoys being sexualized and really gets off on being the object of male desire. Say a few dudes leave some lewd comments on one of her photos and she reacts positively because it’s part of her fetish. I’m sure some of those men would misunderstand the positive reception, believing in turn that all women must want to be catcalled. It’s bad logic and thinking with your dick, so I don’t pin the blame on the doll. I pin it on the dumbass.

HM: The idea of latex providing an artificial skin is really interesting. Can you say any more about that and about masking?

MD: It drastically changes your appearance so when you look in the mirror and see this new thing staring back, this face with no real features, you’re free to assume a new identity. Your old face is gone, and your skin is different, all shiny and slick - it’s really like becoming a new creature. Different people become different things but the gist of it is that you’re taking away your normal appearance and replacing it with something new. If you look different, you feel different.

HM: What is your ultimate doll fantasy?

MD: Probably what I’ve already experienced but played out over a longer period of time. Further brainwashing and further body modification. I’d love to be conditioned to the point that impulse takes over my own logical thought. If my owner wants me to do something, I do it. Also I’ve wanted to live in a doll house since I was a kid so living in my own doll space would be amazing too! Those are all based in real life though. In my head, I love to imagine myself as a dollbot with an owner in a neon dystopia.

October 2017. Image courtesy of M Doll.

Next I messaged Insanity’s Equilibrium. She describes hereself on her Instagram profile as a “Little/Brat” and a “Puppy”. She says she “luvs cool hairstyles, and adorable clothes”.

Insanity’s Equilibrium: Dollification may be different for others but for myself it’s a form of self expression for the most part. Imagine a Barbie; you can dress her up in all different types of clothing, change her hair in different ways, her character is ideal (for most people) so she’s able to adapt but stand out as well.

HM: And what kind of doll do you like being?

IE: I’d prefer to be a individualistic Barbie doll, I have no desire to be her but be like her, doll-like physical traits like her small body frame and even smaller waist, or a perfectly feminine face that’s symmetrical and porcelain-like.

HM: Has this changed over time?

IE: This has barely changed over time with at first it being sexual but not so much now, I’ve changed from a Babydoll [3] to just a Barbie.

HM: Do you remember how it began for you?

IE: This all began not too long ago maybe like a year ago or a little over a year when I was looking at Human dolls and found my inspiration Angelika Kenova, who is still my favorite and inspiration to become more doll-like. She is the most perfect doll in my opinion, she has flawless skin, a small feminine face, doe-like eyes, tiny waist. She is indeed small, amazingly gorgeous healthy hair; everything about her is perfect.

HM: Is this something you do with other people or maybe other dolls?

IE: I do have a boyfriend but he has names like Daddy for other kink-related reasons. He doesn’t mind my dollification aspirations and encourages me to achieve who and what I want to be. At the moment I do not know of any dolls near me nor have I spoken to anyone with the same kink, hopefully one day though.

HM: Can you describe the process of how you transform into a doll?

IE: I start by just waking up, washing my face, brushing my teeth, etc. It just really depends on my mood once I’m fully awake, sometimes I wake up enthusiastic and cutesy and that’s the exact attitude I need and that is desired for a doll. When I do my makeup that is more of the transformation, I make my eyes appear bigger, face and nose smaller, blush for rosey cheeks, I make my jawline more chiseled. I am currently working on my hair lolz, it’s not in it’s perfect state that I’d prefer it to be but wigs cost a decent amount of money. My clothes would have to be bright and fit me just right to get a certain type of small figure effect.

HM: Something I’m particularly interested in is how a person might change the way they move and behave physically when they are doll. Like, do you become still or limp or poseable for example?

IE: When I’m in a doll-like state I tend to stare more and my posing even if just lounging tends to be more stiff, I may speak only when directly spoken to. My voice may be more presentable and I may be or behave more bubbly and flirtatious.

HM: And is there a different mental state when you are a doll? What is that like?

IE: In this mental state I feel more relaxed in a way that I seem normal to others and don’t need to worry about people pointing out something wrong because I am a doll and everything should be perfect to present to others.

HM: What is the appeal of being a doll?

IE: The appeal of being a Doll is being perfect. I want to appear so beautiful or pretty that I seem unreal to some people. I also want a more healthy lifestyle which will cause blemishes and things like that to disappear.

HM: Is dollification a sexual thing for you?

IE: Dollification is a kink so for me it’s about 50% sexual and 50% not. The sexual part comes from the feeling of being pretty not really alluring but appearing perfect not only to others but myself. Another thing that makes it sexual for me is having someone be in control of what I eat, what I wear and even what hairstyle to rock. So it’s sort of like a power exchange. I’m young and have made a lot of questionable decisions and I’m at a time in my life where I feel as though I’m not sure of most things I do so I prefer someone to make decisions for myself even if they’re simple such like my clothes or food planning.

HM: Are dolls always female? And young? It seems to be the vast majority are. How does dollification relate to the way that (young) women are treated today in the US/ globally?

IE: I wouldn’t think all Dolls are female and young lol. There are probably some all over the world of different ages, genders and classifications. There might appear to be more young females into it because of beauty standards or media of all sorts influencing young girls to look, act or feel a certain way, wear makeup a certain type of way or having a certain body type. I’d say it effects how young women or women in general are treated, it just makes people in general have a sort of unrealistic expectation of what people actually look like or how people actually feel and behave.

HM: What is your ultimate doll fantasy?

IE: My ultimate doll fantasy is to be impossibly pretty. Perfect hair, perfect body, perfect but adaptable personality, healthy lifestyle, perfect clothes, small face, doe-like eyes, tiny nose, etc.

October 2017. Image courtesy of Insanity’s Equilibrium.

Finally I contacted Kiya K., also CinnaDolly, Living Doll. “Kiya lives in Southern California, where CinnaDolly brings together Kiya’s interest in Lolita culture, body modification, lifestyle fashion, and BDSM. Kiya has embraced her passion for being living art since a teen, when dial-up modems were still new and there was no internet. Today, Kiya lives and explores surreal environments on self-assigned projects to go deeper into sparkly territory.”

Kiya K: Dollification in my experience means the making of a person into a doll, primarily in an aesthetic way, but also there is this going into the mindset of a doll,

as well, and the playing out of scenarios through roleplaying too. Roleplaying is often done in pairs, though people who identify as ‘living dolls’ certainly get together simply to exist, though that’s not so much what dollification implies; dollification usually refers to the becoming or making another become a doll or act like a doll with kink overtones or implications.

HM: What kind of doll do you like being?

KK: I think for every doll, there is a different doll to be. Dolls are diverse. Dolls are multifaceted. Dolls evolve. They seem to be more open to growing and changing than most of the humans. I’m not even sure to know where to begin to answer the question.

If you mean stylistically, being a doll and an abiding interest in Lolita and Harajuku[4] -inspired, over-the-top, and queer femme influenced style go together for me like chocolate hot fudge over ice cream with a maraschino cherry on top – yummmm. I can elaborate: Lolita fashion speaks to me as a style that is about pursuing ideals of style, femininity, and beauty that draws on a diverse range of influences. Some of the fashion and how it is documented may project more or less sexiness, but it’s definitely about pushing boundaries for me.

Another way to answer the question: I’m a switchy, sensitive, compassionate, sometimes dominating, sometimes submissive, usually receptive, sometimes forceful, sometimes delicate doll with a strong sense of herself. You will not find a compliant replicant over here. I am adept at a wide range of skills and techniques, both to create and be of service to those that I deem safe for me to let my guard down around.

HM: Has this changed over time?

KK: There definitely is an evolution. Also, the people that I am a doll with influence how this unfolds. Sorry I don’t have more details here.

HM: Do you remember how it began for you?

KK: I dated someone who sometimes identified as a doll. She introduced me to Lolita fashion too. We both engaged in dollification roleplaying. Then, not long after, I dated someone else who was into dollification, too. It’s a pretty common thing, now, in my relationships. I wouldn’t be surprised if I mostly date people who are into some aspect or the other of dollifcation for the rest of my life.

It’s very liberating to be a doll, to adopt this mindset and live into this role- play of being a more perfect creation.

HM: Is this something you do with other people now? Do you have an ‘owner’ or maybe other dolls?

KK: Yeah, as I said, there is defnitely a community of people, some into more  the fashion and lifestyle aspect of Lolita, and some people who are more into the roleplaying and power exchange aspects that draw upon and enact kink / BDSM practices. It’s about living in a heightened frame of awareness and existence, I think.

I don’t have an owner, but I’m open to having an owner, one day. I’m also open to owning other dolls, sure. Living in a doll house with other dolls would be the best.

HM: Can you describe the process of how you transform into a doll?

KK: I am always a doll.

HM: Something I’m particularly interested in is how a person might change the way they move and behave physically when they are doll. Like, do you become still or limp or poseable for example?

KK: No. Maybe some people do this, but for me, being a living doll is about being like a replicant from Blade Runner. I’m self- aware, I have feelings and thoughts. I fear being turned off permanently, one day.

HM: And is there a different mental state when you are a doll? What is that like?

KK: Well, sure, but it depends on the people I’m with, the setting.

HM: What is the appeal of being a doll?

KK: I’ve mentioned a few things: It’s very liberating to be a doll, to adopt the mindset and live into role-play of being a more perfect creation. Then there’s the aspect of modifying my body to be a better doll. I am raising funds to have facial plastic surgery, breast augmentation, and some liposuction and fat grafting, as well as potentially modification to my voice and bone size reduction, as the technology comes along and can be safely implemented. I will be getting my ears pointed by Samppa von Cyborg in April in Europe. This is probably where I’m a little different than some of the Lolitas and more like the #plasticfantastic bimbofication crowd. Even though I don’t completely consider myself aspiring to bimbofy myself, here our interests overlap in plastic surgery and body modification.

HM: Is dollifcation a sexual thing?

KK: Like I mentioned, a lot of it is not a sexual thing. But, at the same time, sure, it is. This is part of who I am, and who we are has everything to do with who we fuck and who fucks us and why we fuck each other.

HM: And are dolls always female? And young? It seems to be the vast majority are. How does dollification relate to the way that (young) women are treated today in the US/ globally.

KK: Well, I’m a trans woman. And, I’ll just tell you, I’m 41. I think the lifestyle is about women and girls doing things for themselves and without a lot of regard for what the male gaze thinks.

I’m currently really excited to explore some of the themes that dolls bring up. There’s the questions of what is an intelligent being, what with so much attention being paid to the advent of cyborgs and AI. Cyborgs are almost always treated like slaves, but I am a doll that demands more. While many think of dolls as items to be used and abused,

I challenge this, and insist that dolls be treated with respect. And that we ask ourselves what allows us to think that we should be okay with abusing dolls and entities that might soon have feelings and consciousness.

To come back to your question, this relates to how women are treated, because in so many ways, toxic patriarchal culture establishes that women can be treated as not being human, just as so many treat inanimate objects, or even at their more cruel, animals. So, yes, there certainly are people, let’s be real - men, who are going to have misogynistic fantasies, but having doll fantasies and committing sexual assault are two different things.

The kink and BDSM culture I know is grounded in consent and communication. In many ways, BDSM appears to me to be a very healthy culture because so often it accepts as a given that disturbing things will be explored and experienced, but it wraps that in a container of communication, practices of obtaining consent, and there is a body of experience and knowledge on navigating a multitude of challenging interpersonal dynamics and circumstances. It’s not perfect, but at least it allows space for these things to be explored in an ethical way. I want to conclude this answer by noting that there’s nothing with dollification that advances misogyny. The practice among living dolls is done in a consensual way, and in my experience, usually between women. Men who engage with living dolls do it consensually. To the issue of whether this advances misogynistic notions of how women should behave, to that, I say that living dolls want to do this; nobody is making us do this.

I’m also thinking, right now, about how the aesthetic and imagery are perceived by naive onlookers. I was recently told by two different people that the ‘high femme’ look in one of my photos, a fairly typical sweet Lolita look, was misogynistic. But most of the people who I consider my council on ethics and morals and I agree that it’s really about the intent and motivations of the people involved in the making of the photos or the conduct, and not so much how it’s perceived. Hello, we’re talking about me wearing a pink dress with a pink wig. I mean, I don’t even really understand how that could be considered misogynistic, but they did.

HM: And finally, what is your ultimate doll fantasy?

KK: Yeah, I fantasize about someone bankrolling about $65k to $80k of surgery. Yes, that includes bewbs [5] .I’m almost there, actually. I would let contributors tell me what they thought I should do, though. Maybe we would start a relationship. Maybe I would be their live-in doll. Or maybe I would take the money, doll up, and live happily ever-after on my continuing doll adventures.

February 2018. Image courtesy of Kiya K. @cinnadolly

[1] JG Leathers is a Canadian fetishist known for creating extreme bondage harnesses. The Creature is one such design: (NSFW)

[2]  Daddy Dom/ Little Girl. A relationship in which one person is the caregiver/ dominant and the other - the ‘little’ -  is childlike/ submissive. The roles may be any gender. It is not a relationship between an actual father and daughter or any minor, and ‘child-like’ may not necessarily involve roleplaying as a child.

[3] Insanity’s Equilibrium later explained “Babydoll for me is when I combine my little side and doll. A doll with pacifiers, onesies, socks, big begging eyes.”

[4] Harajuku is a district in Tokyo known for its expressive and cartoonish fashions.

[5]  i.e. boobs